I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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