I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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