rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
