he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
