The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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