have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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