She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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