Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
