I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
