Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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