i already hear my dad disowning me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
