You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
