first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think im going to throw up on grandma
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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