i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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