She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
