Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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