I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
