you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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