Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
