You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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