this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
