I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
