When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
