i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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