Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize