This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
