Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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