You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
