five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
