Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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