Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
