I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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