how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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