I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
