Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
