i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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