Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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