I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
