dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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