Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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