are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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