Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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