it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
