Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
