sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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