I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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