if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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