He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
