I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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