2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
