I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
