dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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