And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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