I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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