i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
