My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
