Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
