I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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