I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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