I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
