I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
