She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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