My nipple is on Facebook.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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