So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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