I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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