Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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