areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
