Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize