Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
