im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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