I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
