I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
