In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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