sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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