last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
