I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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