I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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