so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
