My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
