Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
