i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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