i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
