the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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