I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
