I'm really into asian looking animals
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
