my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
