you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
be right there i have to get my cape
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
