this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
