please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
