Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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