my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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