I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize